Be
unique
Chapter
6
Dr. Muhammad 'Adb Al-Rahaman Al-'Arifi
Dr. Muhammad 'Adb Al-Rahaman Al-'Arifi
Why is it that some people’s
discussions end in argument while others may discuss the same subject and end
their discussion in a friendly manner? It has everything to do with the skills of
holding a discussion.
Why is it that when two people
deliver the same sermon with the same words, you find that among the audience
of the first person someone is yawning or sleeping, another is playing with a
prayer mat, and others are repeatedly shifting, whilst the audience listening
to the second are listening attentively to the sermon, such that they cannot even
blink an eyelid nor of what is being said? It has everything to do with oratory
skills.
Why is it when so-and-so speaks in
a gathering, everyone listens to him attentively and focuses on him, whereas
when someone else speaks, they began to talk about other side issues and start
reading their text messages? It has everything to do with the skills of verbal
communication.
Why is it when one school teacher
walks through the corridor, all the students gather around him? One shaking his
hand, another asking his advice, and yet another one complaining about
a problem; if he were to sit in
his office and allow the students to enter, it would be filled with students in
seconds as everyone wishes to sit with him. Yet, another teacher walks through the
corridor by himself and leaves the school’s mosque and he is alone. No student
approaches him to shake his hand, or to complain about a problem. If he were to
leave his office open from sunrise to sunset, no one would ever come to it as
nobody seems to like to be in his company.
Why?
It has everything to do with
interpersonal skills.
One person enters a public
gathering and everyone smiles at his face and feels joy at meeting him;
everyone wishes to sit next to him. However, another person walks in and gets
cold handshakes, either out of custom or kindness. He then looks for a place to
sit but cannot find a person who gives him any space or calls him to sit next
to him.
Why?
It has everything to do with the
techniques of attracting and influencing others.
Why is it that a father enters his
house and his children smile at him with joy, whereas another comes to see his
children but they do not even turn to acknowledge his presence? It is all to do
with the skills of dealing with children. You can say the same about the
mosque, wedding parties and so on.
People differ in varying degrees
from each other in terms of their interpersonal skills, and, accordingly, the
way they are treated by others also differs to varying degrees. Influencing
people and earning their love is easier than one can imagine. I am not
exaggerating when I say this, since I have tried these skills a number of times
and found that it is very easy to capture people’s hearts, if indeed we are
serious about nterpersonal skills and training ourselves in them.
People are affected by the way we
deal with them whether we realise it or not. For thirteen years, I have been an
Imam at a military college. On my way to the mosque, I pass by a gate that is
watched by a guard.
When I pass by the guadr, I am
always eager to smill at him and signal with my hand by way of giving my salams
to him. After the Salah, I get in my car and make my way hom. Usually, whilst I
am doing my Salah in the mosque, I recieve a number of next rebages and missed
calls, on my cell phone. When I pass by the great on my way back from the
salah, I am preoccupied with ??? the message, so I forgot to smile at him.
Until, one day I was surprised
when he stopped me and said, “Dear Shaykh, are you upset with me?”
“Why would I be?”
I asked. He said, “When you enter
I noticed that you smile and you seem very happy. But when you leave, you
neither smile nor seem pleased.”
The man was very sincere, so he
began to swear how much he loved and respected me, and how joyful he was upon
seeing me. I apologised to him and explained to him the reason for my behaviour.
I then realised that when we get
used to such skills, they become part of our nature, and others certainly
notice when we negligently fail to practise them.
Enlightenment...
Do not earn wealth and lose
people, for earning people is a way to earning wealth.
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